The Hornbeam Tree Page 23

  ‘Ssh,’ he whispered, as tears rose in her eyes.

  As they kissed again he rolled carefully on to his back, parting their bodies, but taking her with him so that she was still in his arms.

  ‘What are you thinking?’ she asked, winding her fingers through the dark hair on his chest.

  He smiled and in the end said, ‘Crazy thoughts of having you all to myself.’

  ‘Why crazy?’

  He glanced down at her, but didn’t answer, only kissed the top of her head.

  ‘It’s not a good time to be making any promises,’ she said, ‘but …’

  ‘Then don’t make any,’ he broke in softly. ‘Let’s just accept that this is how we feel, and whatever needs to be done will be done when the time is right. It doesn’t have to be now.’

  Her heart filled up with emotion, and turning her face to his she said, ‘I feel as though I’m using you, and that’s not fair when …’

  ‘Hey,’ he said with a smile, ‘do I look like I’m complaining?’

  ‘No, but …’

  ‘Laurie, we’ll get through this,’ he told her gently. ‘I’m going to make it as easy for you as I can, and if that means having to wait, or only being able to see you in secret, then I’d rather that than not see you at all.’

  Her eyes closed as she swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat. ‘Elliot knows now,’ she said, ‘so there’s no reason for it to be secret.’

  ‘Have you spoken to him since this morning?’

  ‘No. I don’t know what I’m going to say … I don’t even want to think about it …’ She sighed unsteadily and turned her face into his neck.

  ‘I picked up his message,’ he told her, stroking her hair. ‘He wants me to do some digging around in New York while I’m there.’

  She drew back. ‘You’re going to New York?’

  ‘Tomorrow,’ he answered. ‘I guess I didn’t tell you, but is that surprising when we never seem to give ourselves much time to talk?’

  ‘I want that to change,’ she said earnestly. ‘I want to know everything about you.’

  ‘You pretty much already do,’ he smiled.

  ‘Not true, but tell me why you’re going to New York.’

  ‘I’m taking Julia back,’ he answered, referring to his thirteen-year-old daughter. ‘She’s been over here on a school trip, so she’s staying with me tonight, before I take her back to her mother.’

  ‘So where is she now?’

  ‘With my cousin, the one who has the house above my apartment.’ Lifting an arm so he could see his watch, he said, ‘I was on my way there when you called, so I’ll have to be leaving soon.’

  Feeling an almost overpowering urge to try and stop him, she fought it back by reminding herself that she’d have plenty of time to see him in the coming weeks, while he probably didn’t know when he was going to see his daughter again. Even so, she hated the thought of him leaving her here now.

  ‘So did you actually speak to Elliot?’ she asked, as he shifted slightly to make himself more comfortable. ‘Or did you just pick up the message?’

  ‘We spoke, and before you ask, no he didn’t mention anything about this morning. It was almost as though it hadn’t happened, though I admit he didn’t sound too friendly. Just businesslike. He wants to get hold of the original version of the 21 Project, and thought, with all my contacts in the States, I might be able to help.’

  ‘Can you?’

  ‘Possibly. I’ll give it a try, anyway. I’ll meet up with Max Erwin while I’m there, and he’ll probably brief me some more.’

  ‘So Elliot didn’t get into what Tom said when he called?’

  ‘No, and I didn’t ask. The call was difficult enough, and to be frank I’m surprised he’s pulling me in on this.’

  So was she, but only to a degree, for Elliot was often unpredictable, and certainly not given to letting his emotions stand in the way of a story. ‘How long are you going to be away?’ she asked, dreading it, yet in a way almost welcoming it, for it would give her the chance to think some more.

  ‘About a week.’

  ‘I’ll miss you,’ she murmured.

  ‘You could always come with me,’ he said.

  Her heart jumped at the prospect, but though she’d have loved to be in another city with him where they could feel free to be themselves, she remembered how utterly broken she’d been when Elliot had gone off to Tuscany with Andraya. That was when her affair with Nick had started, in the very depths of such unimaginable pain that had Nick not been there to hold her it would probably have swallowed her completely. So no matter what Elliot had done, she wasn’t going to make him suffer like that. She must speak to him first, only then could she consider going anywhere, even any further in the relationship with Nick.

  Smiling as he pulled her on top of him, she gazed down into his face and felt a quiet surge of love filling her heart. His hands were moving down her back and over her buttocks, and as he began kissing her neck she could feel herself becoming aroused again, until his mobile rang and groaning with annoyance he let his head fall back on the pillow.

  ‘It’ll be Julia,’ he murmured.

  ‘Then you should answer. Have you told her you’re going to be late?’

  ‘Yes, but she’ll want to know if I’m on my way yet.’

  She rolled off him, and as he reached for his jeans she drew her nails gently down his back, pressing her lips to his skin, then settling into his arms again as he put the phone to his ear.

  ‘Hi sweetheart,’ he said, pulling Laurie in closer. ‘Yes, I’m just on my way out to the car now.’ He paused, then smiled. ‘You’re cooking dinner with candles? Won’t that take a long time?’ He laughed as both she and Laurie groaned at his joke. ‘OK,’ he said, ‘I’ll be there as soon as I can,’ and clicking off he dropped the phone on the bedside table.

  ‘OK, beautiful woman,’ he said in a seductively low voice, ‘I want you to stay right where you are, so that I can look at you as I get dressed, then for the whole of next week I can think of you all mussed and flushed and looking so goddamned sexy I want to ravish you all over again.’

  ‘No-one’s stopping you,’ she murmured, feeling his hardness pressing against her.

  He kissed her lingeringly and deeply, then broke abruptly away. ‘I have to go,’ he said firmly, and slapping her playfully on the buttocks, he got quickly up from the bed.

  She lay back on the pillows, putting her hands behind her head, and watched as he dressed. ‘You know, it turns me on as much watching you put your clothes on as it does when you take them off,’ she told him.

  His eyes narrowed, and after zipping his jeans with some difficulty he picked up his mobile and stood looking down at her. ‘No-one else in the world could drag me away now,’ he told her gruffly.

  ‘Go,’ she whispered, linking her fingers through his.

  Leaning over her he kissed her first on the mouth, then on each nipple, then slowly and deeply between the legs.

  ‘That’s not fair,’ she told him as he stood up again.

  He smiled. ‘I’ll call you later,’ he said, and touching his fingers to his lips, he left.

  After he’d gone Laurie lay where she was, staring up at the ceiling, reliving the last hour and how they’d seemed to move into a deeper and stronger sense of each other that felt every bit as powerful as the physical allure. But even as she allowed the quiet contentment to steal over her, like a mist it started slowly to fade, until it had vanished completely, leaving her feeling strangely raw and sad. It was as though he’d abandoned her, which was nonsense, and she knew it, but for some reason she couldn’t seem to stop the feeling. As it intensified she felt herself being pulled back into all the pain and confusion she’d managed to bury while he was here.

  Getting up from the bed, she went to take a shower, as though she could somehow wash away all the turmoil. Then she pulled on her jeans and a T-shirt, and plugged in her laptop.

  She sat for a long time staring at the scre
en, thinking about Elliot, what he might be doing and where he could be. Though she detested even the thought of it, she understood now how he’d got caught up in a passion for another woman. Even so, it was no easier to bear, and betraying him was proving just as painful as when he’d betrayed her. She tried composing an email to him, but nothing sounded right, and deciding that this was hardly the way to communicate, she closed the computer down and turned on her mobile. There were several texts and voicemails, but none from him. She could feel angry at his silence, but just felt anxious and more alone than she ever had.

  Deciding she should call Katie to fix a time for tomorrow, she was searching for the number when the landline started to ring. Immediately her heart leapt. It could be anyone, of course, but her mind had gone instantly to Elliot, and in spite of the terrible nerves that could easily prevent her from answering, there was still a part of her that desperately wanted it to be him.

  ‘Hello?’ she said into the receiver.

  ‘Hi,’ he responded.

  The sound of his voice moved through her like a physical pain. ‘How are you?’ she asked, sinking down on to the edge of the bed.

  ‘I’m OK. How are you?’

  ‘Yes, fine. Where are you?’

  ‘At home. Is Nick there with you?’

  Her eyes closed. ‘No,’ she answered. It wasn’t a lie, but God knew it felt like one.

  ‘I know I deserve this,’ he said, ‘but …’

  ‘I’m not punishing you, Elliot,’ she told him, only realizing after she’d said it that maybe he needed to think she was. ‘I’m really sorry,’ she said softly. ‘Really, really sorry.’

  His voice was horribly strained as he said, ‘Does that mean it’s over between us?’

  No, she wanted to scream, but then she thought of Nick and didn’t know what to say. ‘It means,’ she whispered in the end, ‘that I don’t want to hurt you, but I – I don’t know how to stop.’

  ‘So it wasn’t just something you had to get out of your system?’

  ‘Elliot, please don’t do this.’

  ‘I love you, Laurie,’ he said, his voice thick with emotion. ‘You know that.’

  ‘I love you too,’ she cried in despair. ‘Oh God, I don’t know what to tell you. I hardly understand it myself, but I know I don’t want to lose you.’

  ‘You can’t have us both.’

  ‘That’s not what I’m saying. I – I don’t know what I’m saying, but we do need to talk. I’ll come home tomorrow. Will you be there?’

  ‘No. I’m leaving at midday to meet Tom.’

  She wanted to ask him not to go, but she couldn’t. ‘How long will you be gone?’

  ‘Probably until the end of the week.’

  ‘Where is he?’

  ‘En route to our rendezvous point by now. Have you spoken to Katie and Michelle today?’

  ‘No, not really.’

  ‘They’ll be able to fill you in on what’s happening. There are several people here I want to talk to. I was hoping, if you’re able to fit it in …’

  ‘Of course,’ she said, only too ready to help, as though, in some way, it could make up for everything else she was doing.

  ‘I’ll email you a list,’ he said, ‘and the kind of line you need to take. Once you’ve talked to Katie and Michelle you’ll have a good idea anyway, but I should be contactable, at least for some of the time.’

  She thought of the week going by without either him or Nick being here, and though she knew she should be thankful for the respite, she wasn’t. Speaking to him now was filling her with such a fear of being without him that she had to accept she was still a very long way from knowing what she really wanted.

  ‘We’ll talk when I get back,’ he said.

  ‘OK.’ She swallowed, and pressed her fingers to her lips as her eyes filled with tears. ‘I love you,’ she whispered, the words coming out on a sob.

  ‘I love you too,’ he responded, and after letting the silence stretch for a while, he put the phone down.

  As she rang off too, she put a hand to her head and tried to understand why she found it so easy to tell him she loved him, yet seemed unable to say it to Nick, when she was so certain she felt it. Was it because her conscience wouldn’t allow her to take that next step until everything was resolved with Elliot? Or was it because her feelings for Elliot were truer, and so more easily spoken? Right now, she had no answers, all she knew was that she’d never felt so wretched, nor more in need of confiding in someone. She thought of how she’d always turned to Elliot before, they’d discussed everything, kept nothing secret and were always each other’s greatest support, but his betrayal had changed that, and now hers was driving them even further apart. In her heart she knew that wasn’t what she wanted, but she couldn’t see any way of stopping it. No matter how sorry he was about Andraya, or how hard he tried to convince her that it was her he loved, it was never going to make what he’d done just disappear. It was always going to be there, and though it hadn’t stopped her from loving him yet, she wondered if, in fact, it was slowly starting to happen.

  It was early evening as Elliot waited inside Pisa airport for Tom’s flight to come in from Rome. Though they had a lot to get through over the next few days, right now his thoughts were entirely dominated by Laurie and what the hell he could do to save their relationship. Somehow he had to find a way of persuading her not to give up on them yet, for he could feel her slipping away, and it was scaring him half to death. He’d thought a lot about Katie’s advice to give her some space, but though he could see some merit in it, he wished to God he knew how he was going to heed it. His instinct was to hold on to Laurie so tight she could never break free – or to damn well kill Nick van Zant if he ever went anywhere near her again.

  Glancing up as passengers from the Rome flight began trickling through, he looked around for Tom, but there was no sign of him yet. The phone in his hand started to ring, and seeing it was Laurie he immediately clicked on, knowing the call would be story-related. They’d agreed not to discuss their relationship until he got back, and they’d already spoken several times today as she updated him on the research she was carrying out with Katie and Michelle.

  Not until the call was almost over did her voice soften as she asked how he was. It caused such a wrenching in his heart that it made his eyes close as he said, ‘Do you want the truth?’

  ‘Of course,’ she whispered.

  ‘Then I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more helpless or afraid in my life.’

  ‘I’m sorry. The last thing I want is to hurt you.’

  ‘I wouldn’t care as long as you came back to me. Just tell me what I have to do, Laurie, and I’ll do it.’

  Her voice was shredded with pain as she said, ‘I wish I knew.’

  A silence passed that seemed to fill with everything else they wanted to say, but it wasn’t the right time, they needed to be together, not at opposite ends of a phone line. He just wished he didn’t feel as though he was handling this all wrong.

  In the end she was the first to speak again. ‘Michelle’s wondering if Tom’s with you yet.’

  His voice sounded hoarse as he said, ‘He’s just about to come through. I’ll put him on as soon as he does.’

  ‘OK. She wants to talk to you anyway, so I’ll pass you over.’

  The next few minutes were taken up with more detail from the day’s research, until finally he spotted Tom striding towards him in black jeans, tatty leather jacket and a two-day beard. ‘He’s here,’ he told Michelle.

  ‘Hey,’ Tom said, shaking his hand. ‘Everything OK?’

  ‘Everything’s good. Michelle wants to talk to you,’ and passing the phone over he reached for Tom’s luggage.

  Tom’s eyes were showing his pleasure as he said, ‘Hey, am I finally speaking to the woman I love?’

  Giving him some privacy Elliot walked on outside, where the sun was well on its way to setting now, shrouding the surrounding Tuscan hills in a deep golden glow and glinting off win
dscreens in dazzling pools of light.

  By the time they were both in the rental car and driving out of the airport towards the autostrada, Tom had finished his call and was updating him on the ease with which he’d come into the country on his fake Euro/Italian passport. ‘It was a grand well spent,’ he said, scratching his beard, ‘which reminds me I’ve arranged for funds to be put on standby for release from my bank in the Caymans – my US accounts are all frozen, surprise, surprise, but this is one they didn’t manage to find, so I should be able to pay you back in the next few days.’

  ‘No rush,’ Elliot assured him. ‘I brought more cash in case you needed it. Two thousand euros, and half a dozen pay-as-you-talk phones. Has there been any contact from Washington?’

  ‘Nothing, apart from the regular email asking me to report to the nearest embassy regarding a matter of great importance.’

  ‘And you’re not inclined to comply?’

  Tom’s expression filled with irony. ‘Let’s look at it this way,’ he said, ‘instead of picking up the phone and politely asking for their documents back, or inviting me in for a spot of tea and cosy chat of the bullshit variety, what do they do? They arrange for someone to turn over my apartment who proceeded to help themselves to just about everything in it. Then they send a bunch of ISI scumbags to pick me up in Karachi, which thankfully failed. They arranged for Michelle to be detained and harassed at Heathrow airport; they whisk Josh Shine off the face of the planet … No contact yet, I guess?’

  Elliot shook his head.

  ‘So basically they’re doing a mighty fine job of convincing me I’m no longer on their best-friend list. Now you might think me fussy, but I don’t reckon that’s all adding up to a very promising kind of chinwag, and it definitely doesn’t make me want to accept any offers of hospitality until I’ve got a better idea of what’s going on.’

  Chuckling, Elliot glanced in the rear-view mirror as a set of headlights zoomed up behind them and hardly paused before overtaking.

  ‘What about your end?’ Tom asked. ‘Anyone been in touch?’