Missing Read online

  She blinked reflexively as a driver sped past, angrily blasting his horn. She didn’t look to see what had prompted it. She wasn’t interested. She merely continued to stare at what used to be the garage, unaware of time or space, or even sound. Her breath was shallow, and her nerves taut and frayed like thin copper wires. Sam’s laughter was pushing up from the past to blend with Miles’s frustration and Kelsey’s angry confusion. He wanted to be heard, but his sister’s voice was louder, drowning him out with her sobbing and pleading, desperate to be seen and loved. The need moved past her like a breeze. She knew it was there, and even fleetingly felt it, but it didn’t penetrate far or remain. It had no place with her, she wouldn’t accept it, because it belonged to a world she had no part in.

  Life wasn’t going to touch her again, and if it thought it had made amends by giving her a daughter, it must realise by now she had proved it wrong. It could keep its little tokens of mercy and false bundles of joy. She’d been cheated of one child, she wasn’t going to be tricked again. Miles could nurture and bond with their daughter if he chose to, the risk was his to take. For her there was no forgiveness – life hadn’t returned her son, so she wouldn’t accept what it had given her in his place. Nor would she allow it to toss her another son, a substitute, a salve, as though Sam had never really mattered. Oh no. She wouldn’t conceive again until her firstborn was back in her arms.

  Her head went down and she bunched her hands more tightly in her pockets as she turned to walk on. Anne Cates needed to return to the house she had rented, which she’d paid for in cash, in advance, so no one bothered her at all, not even her landlord who lived in Spain. To her neighbours she was merely the dark-haired woman at number fourteen who kept herself to herself. One or two mumbled good morning and passed on by, heads down, hurrying to the station where they bought various newspapers on their way to work. The headlines would be of momentary interest before they turned the page, moving on to the next. They’d never connect them with the woman who occasionally walked around the green, or stood on a roundabout staring at something that didn’t exist any more. They’d have no idea of the shock she’d received on picking up the paper two days ago, or of the emotions that had followed since like shadows, trailing behind for a while, then suddenly looming large and dark at the front of her mind.

  It wasn’t her intention to go to the river, but when next she registered her surroundings she was standing in the small, squelchy pools that muddied the shore when the tide went out. Her footprints were fading like ghosts behind her, while seagulls swooped in to peck at flotsam discarded on the desolate banks. Several times these past weeks she’d imagined letting the water close over her, cold and comforting, embracing her like sleep until she was no more. She wouldn’t do it, because if Sam came back she had to be waiting.

  Out of nowhere, names began floating up from the past, rising to the surface like small pockets of air, bursting. Anne Cates. Elizabeth Barrett. Vivienne Kane. Then they vanished, dispersed, disintegrating, blending back into the river like tears, perhaps to be washed up again, but on other shores, not here.

  Finally she began retracing her steps, remembering where she was going, but having no interest in arriving. Since leaving home she’d walked a lot, around Richmond and Kew, often as far as Chiswick and back. During her journeys she’d often thought about Miles and Kelsey, hearing their voices in her mind, and even caring in a way, but whenever she felt their pain she quickly shut it out. She didn’t want any part of it, even though she understood now, in a way she hadn’t before, that the years of rejection she’d subjected them to had, perversely, bound them to her so tightly that she’d stifled all the love Miles had felt, and created a need in Kelsey that could never be fulfilled. She should have left them a long time ago, or stayed in America. It had been a mistake to come back, but it was one she wouldn’t make again.

  You want to kill me for this, Miles, don’t you? she murmured inside her head.

  She could hear him saying yes. Yes, yes and yes.

  You don’t know who I am any more, she told him.

  I never did. Not since … but between them they didn’t say Sam’s name any more.

  Now he had another son, Rufus, whose name he could speak all the time.

  Vivienne was speeding down the M4 in her brother-in-law’s Polo with Rufus asleep in his baby seat behind her, while Pete followed on in his Audi. They’d set out early for Devon, and so far seemed to have escaped the press. In fact there was surprisingly little traffic around, which was why, as they passed the Leigh Delamere services close to Chippenham, she recognised Theo as he roared past on his motorbike. Knowing he’d arrive long before them, he’d already arranged to meet Stella and Sharon at the Smugglers, where they were going to give an interview to one of the local papers. At some point later in the day, or perhaps tomorrow if the firemen were free for a photocall this afternoon, Theo was due to embark on his first session with the choreographer.

  ‘Dancing!’ he’d cried in mock horror when Vivienne had first put it to him. ‘I have to gyrate my body in front of the cameras? Everyone’s going to think I’m like him.’

  She’d had to laugh at that, not only because he was well known for camping it up in front of the cameras, but because Pete had let out a little whimper of ‘Yes please.’

  They were going to have a riot, those two, entertaining the WI ladies with all their teasing and flirting, while pulling together with Sky to stage a memorable event. Naturally she’d be there to oversee things, but with Rufus to take care of and the mounting need to sort something out with Miles, she wasn’t foolish enough to think she could do without their front-line assistance.

  Hearing the jingle of her phone in her earpiece she glanced down at the mobile on the seat next to her, and seeing it was Alice clicked on right away.

  ‘Are you sitting down?’ Alice demanded.

  ‘As I’m driving I’d find it hard not to be.’

  ‘OK, get ready for this. The police have just been here looking for you. They’re trying to find out if you – actually we – know anyone by the name of Anne Cates.’

  Vivienne’s initial alarm was already turning to confusion. ‘Miles mentioned that name yesterday,’ she said. ‘Did they tell you who she is?’

  ‘Just that she has a phone registered at our address.’

  ‘At our address?’

  ‘Right here at Pier House.’

  Vivienne wasn’t liking the sound of this. ‘And the police actually came in person to ask if we knew her?’

  ‘They did indeed, and they were pretty pissed off to find you’d already left for Devon. I almost told them, more fool them for not checking before coming, but I didn’t think it would go down too well. Anyway, I thought I’d better warn you that they’re going to be in touch.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Vivienne murmured, and after ringing off she gave a voice command to her phone which connected her to Miles’s mobile. To her surprise and relief he answered straight away.

  ‘Hi, are you OK?’ he asked.

  ‘Fine,’ she assured him. ‘At least I think so. Apparently the police have just been to my office asking about this Anne Cates. Isn’t that who they asked Mrs Davies about?’

  ‘Yes,’ he responded, sounding surprised. ‘Did they throw any light on who she is?’

  ‘No, but apparently she has a phone registered at the Pier House address.’

  Miles fell silent.

  Feeling a beat of unease, Vivienne said, ‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking?’

  ‘Probably,’ he replied, ‘but if it is Jacqueline, why would she do that? It doesn’t make any sense.’ Then, without waiting for an answer, ‘When you speak to the police ask them when the phone was registered. They must know – in fact, they must have received a call from it to have been able to trace it. So what did this woman have to say?’

  ‘I guess we can’t know that until the police decide to tell us, so I’ll call you back once I’ve spoken to them,’ and checking to make sure Pete was st
ill behind she pulled out to overtake a slow-moving lorry.

  Seconds after disconnecting, her earpiece rang again. Since it wasn’t a number she recognised she took a chance it might be the police, and wasn’t disappointed.

  ‘Ms Kane? Detective Inspector Sadler here.’ His voice resonated authority and no little annoyance, reminding her that he’d had a wasted journey to London.

  ‘Hello, Inspector,’ she said amicably.

  ‘I’ve been trying to get through,’ he told her, ‘so I imagine Mrs Jackson beat me to it.’

  There was no point denying it, so she didn’t. ‘You want to know if I’ve ever heard of someone called Anne Cates,’ she said, glancing in the mirror as Rufus started to wake up. ‘The answer is, I haven’t, but perhaps you wouldn’t mind telling me why you’re asking.’

  Sounding as if he minded a great deal, he said, ‘Someone claiming to be Jacqueline Avery contacted the incident room in Exeter yesterday afternoon, asking us to call off the search. The call was made from a pay-as-you-go phone that has been registered in the name of Anne Cates at your office address. I wonder if you can explain any of that?’

  Vivienne’s pulse had started to race at the mention of Jacqueline. ‘No, Inspector, I can’t,’ she told him as Rufus started to mutter and kick. ‘I’ve never heard the name Anne Cates before. Do you know where the call came from?’

  ‘Kew. You were in the area yesterday, I believe.’

  Kew! ‘I drove through, on my way to the supermarket,’ she said, her mind starting to spin. Did he seriously think she’d set herself up with an alias in order to sabotage the search? Worse was the fact that someone really had registered that phone at her office address, and the call had come from as close to home as Kew. ‘Out of interest, Inspector,’ she said, remembering Miles’s instruction, ‘do you know when the phone was registered?’

  ‘On September 19th, eight days before Mrs Avery disappeared.’

  Meaning? For the moment she could come up with no clear idea. ‘Do you have a recording of the call?’ she asked, having to speak up to make herself heard above Rufus’s demands for attention. ‘If so, maybe you should ask someone who knows Mrs Avery’s voice if it’s her.’

  In a tone that could have cut glass he said, ‘Thank you for your advice, Ms Kane. I’ll be sure to bear it in mind.’

  Resisting the urge to bite back, she hit the indicator to take the approaching slip road. ‘If you’ll forgive me, Inspector, I’m driving at the moment, and as you can no doubt hear, my son is in need of a drink.’

  ‘Before you go, Ms Kane,’ he came in quickly, ‘I’d like to know where you can be contacted in Devon.’

  Realising he was expecting to be told Moorlands, she took some pleasure in saying, ‘I’ll be on this number,’ and after wishing him a good day she cut the connection.

  Minutes later she was standing in a truckers’ lay-by on the A46, trying to comfort Rufus as she told Pete about the call. Thankfully, since Alice had taken Pete aside to tell him to stop with the negative comments about Miles, he’d been treating the matter much more seriously. However, she could have wished for a slightly different answer when she suggested that Anne Cates could be Justine James up to some kind of mischief again.

  ‘I think the date rules out that possibility,’ he said gravely, stepping in closer as a lorry thundered past. ‘No, I definitely think it’s Jacqueline and in Kew.’

  ‘I have to speak to Miles,’ she said, and handing Rufus over she reached back into the car for her phone. ‘There are toys in the box, and his bottle’s down the side of his chair,’ she instructed, starting to dial.

  A few minutes later, having listened to what she was telling him, Miles said, ‘It has to be her. On the one hand it’s a great relief to know she’s alive, but we have to ask ourselves, why haven’t the police contacted me?’

  ‘I think they have it in their heads that I’m responsible for the call. It might explain why they tried to see me in person.’

  ‘That’s preposterous,’ he declared. ‘Sadler’s an idiot. He’s so convinced we’ve been up to no good that he’s lost the ability to see straight.’

  Deciding not to pursue that, she said, ‘What would she be doing in Kew?’

  ‘It’s right next to Richmond, which was where we were living when Sam was taken.’

  Knowing he was trying to stop her thinking exactly what she was thinking, she said, ‘If she knew about Rufus before she disappeared, she might not have realised he wasn’t living with me.’

  ‘If she knew, and I’m finding it hard to believe she did. It’s not something she’d have kept to herself.’

  Unless she was planning to snatch him, Vivienne was thinking, trying not to panic. ‘We have to assume she knows now,’ she stated.

  ‘Of course. It would be foolish not to. Where are you?’

  ‘On my way to Devon.’

  ‘Is Rufus with you?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Then I think you should bring him here.’

  She blinked with shock.

  ‘Call me when you get as far as Exeter, and I’ll go up through the top woods to open the gate.’

  ‘But how is that going to help?’ she cried. ‘If Jacqueline finds out …’ She put a hand to her head, turning towards the car. ‘And what about Kelsey?’ she demanded. ‘She doesn’t want him there.’

  ‘She keeps saying she wants to go back to school.’

  ‘But you can’t send her away to make room for Rufus. It’d be the worst thing you could do right now. No, I’ll continue on as I am.’

  ‘He’ll be safer here with me.’

  ‘Miles, you have to be realistic,’ she said desperately. ‘In Jacqueline’s mind … Well, God knows what’s going on in her mind. No, I can’t bring him to you. I won’t stop you seeing him, I’ll never do that, but I have to protect him.’ Hearing her own words, she said, ‘Oh God, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to accuse Jacqueline or Kelsey of wanting to harm him, but to me Jacqueline feels like a frighteningly loose cannon, and Kelsey’s already got too many problems. Miles, please don’t take offence, but he’s my son so I have—’

  ‘He’s mine too,’ he reminded her, ‘but it’s OK, I understand why you’re nervous so I’m not going to force you. Are you going back to Richard and Susie’s?’

  ‘I’d intended to.’

  ‘Good. Their grounds are pretty secure, but there’s a lot of press around at the moment, so can someone stay with you?’

  Thinking of Theo, she said, ‘Absolutely.’ Then, after taking a breath, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to overreact, it’s just …’

  ‘Don’t apologise. It’s been a shock, finding out about the phone, and realising it could be Jacqueline. But remember, we still don’t know for certain that it was.’

  ‘Who else would tell the police to call off the search? Anne Cates? Who is she?’

  ‘I keep feeling as though the name should mean something.’

  ‘Nothing’s meaning anything right now,’ she said shakily, ‘except the fact that I feel so afraid for my son that I can’t think straight.’

  ‘He’s going to be fine,’ Miles said firmly. ‘I’m always at the end of the line, and I have every intention of doing better than that just as soon as I can.’

  Realising she had to calm down, she said, ‘I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s just the thought of her being so close all this time …’

  ‘If she was, then she’s proved she doesn’t mean you any harm,’ he pointed out. ‘I feel it’s far more likely that she’s in the area because of the link the place has to Sam.’

  ‘Then why use my address?’ Knowing he wouldn’t have an answer for that, she went on heatedly, ‘If only we could communicate with her in some way, let her know—’

  ‘Can you hang on for a moment?’ he interrupted.

  As she waited she went to check on Rufus and Pete, who seemed to be getting along fine with a biscuit and tumbler of juice in the back of the car.

  ‘What did he say?’
Pete wanted to know, keeping his voice down.

  ‘He thinks it’s her too.’

  He pulled a face. ‘Spooky. Bet it makes you glad we’re on our way out of London.’

  Unable to deny it, she said, ‘Nevertheless, we mustn’t let Rufus out of our sight.’

  ‘You can count on me. Does Daddy want to see him?’

  Before she could answer Miles’s voice came back on the line. ‘Kelsey’s going back to school,’ he told her. ‘She’s all packed, but she doesn’t want me to drive her. Mrs Davies is going to do it.’

  ‘Why doesn’t she want you?’

  ‘She’s not speaking to me at the moment. Don’t ask, it changes from hour to hour. It does mean she won’t be here, though.’

  ‘I still don’t think it’s a good idea for me to come.’

  ‘No, you’re probably right,’ he agreed with a sigh. ‘But I do want to see you, so call me when you arrive – and drive safely.’

  ‘Of course,’ she whispered, and after ringing off she inhaled deeply of the cold, fuel-fumed air, before turning back to the car.

  ‘Why are you taking so much?’ Miles wanted to know, as Kelsey carried her laptop down the stairs to join the holdalls and boxes already stacked in the hall.

  ‘It’s the same stuff I brought home,’ she replied tartly.

  ‘But do you need all that when you’ll be back at the weekend, and half-term’s coming up?’

  With a supercilious toss of her head she said, ‘You wouldn’t even begin to understand what I need. Anyway, I’m going to Martha’s for the weekend.’

  ‘I see,’ he responded slowly. He wanted to tell her she couldn’t, but was reluctant to make the situation any worse by starting a row. ‘I wish you’d let me drive you,’ he said.

  ‘It’s fine, Mrs Davies is happy to do it. Can I have some money?’

  Bristling at her tone, he said, ‘Is that any way to ask?’

  With a surly impatience she shifted her weight to one leg and rolled her eyes. ‘Please,’ she said, drawing out the word.