A French Affair Read online

  ‘OK. It’s lovely to hear you. As usual, your timing was perfect.’

  Lilian immediately sounded concerned. ‘Are you having a bad day?’ she asked softly.

  ‘It was just a tearful few minutes, nothing more. Go on, you’d better go. Let’s speak again soon. Love you.’

  ‘Love you too.’

  After ringing off Jessica stood with the phone in her hand staring out at the garden, thinking of Lilian’s bright blue eyes and the ready warmth in her smile. She was such a special person, so full of life, yet so calming too – and empathetic in a way Jessica had rarely come across in anyone else. They’d been friends since their childhood in Dorset, so were as close as sisters. They’d even read French at university together, and Lilian was godmother to all – both – her children. They adored her, as did Charlie – in fact everyone loved Lilian, because it was impossible not to, she was just that kind of person, which was why it had never seemed to make any sense that she’d found it so hard to meet the right man. Over the years she’d been far too hurt by far too many unsuitable lovers for it ever to be considered fair. But then, at the ripe old age of thirty-eight, she’d been posted to Paris, and two weeks later Luc Véron had wandered into the saleroom. Six months after that they were married.

  And now Jessica missed her so much it hurt.

  Chapter Four

  CHARLIE WAS ABOUT to remove his earpiece when a voice from the production gallery said, ‘Melissa’s asking to see you before you leave.’

  He nodded into one of the cameras, letting the director know he’d heard, then pocketing his pen and closing down his laptop, he got up from the newscaster’s chair to begin winding his way through the tangle of cables, cameras and booms towards the door. The channel’s transmission had now been switched to studio 2, where one of his colleagues was hosting the weekly Left, Right and Centre show, while this studio stood down for an hour – though for him it was the end of the shift.

  As he headed towards his dressing room one of the subs caught up with him, but he was only half-listening to what the guy was saying as his mind was more occupied with the debate he was to chair at the London School of Economics later that evening. Since it wasn’t due to start until nine, he’d have time to go home for dinner, he was thinking, unless he could persuade Jessica to meet him at a restaurant in the centre of town.

  Once in his dressing room he dropped everything on the bar, discarded his jacket and tie, and headed for the shower room to rinse off his make-up. He was just dabbing his face with a towel when someone knocked on the door.

  ‘It’s open,’ he called out.

  ‘Are you alone?’ Nikki asked tentatively as she put her head round.

  ‘I am,’ he confirmed.

  At that the door was flung open and she all but exploded into the room. ‘Oh my God, Dad, you are so not going to believe this.’

  ‘I think I am,’ he responded dryly as she made sure the door was closed behind her.

  Her smile was pure rapture. ‘He’s asked me to go for a drink after work,’ she declared, squeezing her hands into fists and all but jumping up and down. ‘Oh my God, I just can’t believe it. I mean, what are we going to talk about? He’s so brainy, and up with everything . . . I mean I know he’s only just out of uni, but I haven’t even started yet, and he’s already a reporter . . .’

  ‘Trainee.’

  ‘Yeah, well, same thing. Oh God, I’ll just die if I make a fool of myself.’

  ‘You won’t,’ he assured her, throwing down the towel and going to fetch a clean shirt from the wardrobe.

  ‘But what if I fall over, or choke on my drink, or say something stupid? Oh Dad, I don’t know if I want to go now. I mean, I do . . .’

  ‘Have you told Mum?’ he interrupted.

  ‘Of course. We’ve been on the phone for hours. She says I have to stop panicking, because it’s not like he’s my first boyfriend or anything, but I am like, sooooo nervous. You’ve got to tell me what to talk about,’ she pleaded. ‘You’re clever, you know everything that’s going on in the world. Do you think I should bring up about the report he did today, on education reforms?’

  ‘No, I do not,’ Charlie laughed. ‘If he wants to tell you about it, let him, but he’ll be a dull dog if he does.’

  ‘Then help me out here!’ she cried.

  ‘Just let it flow,’ he advised. ‘And if you feel yourself getting stuck, tell him about your own ambitions to become a reporter.’

  ‘Foreign correspondent,’ she stated hotly.

  ‘I stand corrected. Or ask him about himself. But be warned, it’s most men’s favourite subject, so once you get him started on that you might not be able to shut him up.’

  Nikki laughed. ‘That’s exactly what Mum said.’

  ‘Now why doesn’t that surprise me?’ he said wryly. ‘How was she when you spoke to her?’

  ‘She seemed OK.’

  ‘Did that guy Rufus Keane call back?’

  ‘No idea. I forgot to ask.’

  Knowing how self-involved kids were at her age, especially in the first throes of romance, Charlie wasn’t even close to surprised. Belatedly remembering that he still didn’t know how it had gone between Melissa and Jessica that morning, he picked up his mobile, wanting to hear from Jessica what had happened before talking to Melissa.

  However, he was too late, for he’d barely switched the phone back on before there was a knock on the door and Melissa put her head round. ‘Are you decent?’ she asked. Then seeing Nikki, she came right on in. ‘Hi sweetheart,’ she drawled, in her habitually lazy tone, ‘how are you? I’ve been hearing great things about the research you did on the housing situation today.’

  Nikki glowed.

  ‘I’d like you to attend the morning meeting tomorrow and talk us through it,’ Melissa told her. ‘And I’m thinking of attaching you to the forward-planning desk starting next week, if that interests you.’

  ‘Absolutely,’ Nikki gushed. Her eyes were shining as she turned to her father, but before either of them spoke Melissa said, ‘Do I hear you have a date tonight?’

  Nikki’s cheeks turned crimson as her mouth fell open. ‘How do you know?’ she demanded.

  Melissa laughed. ‘Very little gets past me. You should learn that before we go any further.’

  ‘Oh my God, the whole world knows,’ Nikki cried, turning in panic to Charlie. ‘This is like soooo embarrassing. Oh Dad, I can’t go now. Everyone’s going to be watching us leave and . . .’

  ‘Get him to meet you in the car park,’ Melissa advised. ‘Anyway, you don’t need to worry too much, I only know because Freddy told me himself that he’d asked you out.’

  Both Charlie and Nikki stared at her in amazement. That a trainee reporter would even mention his love life to someone in Melissa’s position wasn’t only shocking, it was unthinkable.

  Melissa’s eyes were dancing. ‘He’s my godson,’ she told them. ‘But that really is to stay within these walls. At least for the time being. He doesn’t want anyone thinking he got the job because fairy godmummy waved her magic wand, especially when it’s not strictly true. He wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t good, and he went through all the right procedures – but obviously our connection didn’t do him any harm. Now, Nikki darling, if you don’t mind I need to have a chat with your father before he leaves.’

  Nikki looked at Charlie, but he’d already turned towards the bar. ‘Wish me luck,’ she said.

  ‘You’ll knock him off his feet,’ Charlie assured her, and glanced over his shoulder as he took two glasses from the cupboard. ‘Do you have money for a taxi, if you need one later?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m cool. Um, don’t forget to call Mum, will you?’ she said. ‘She’s waiting at home.’

  Charlie’s eyes widened in surprise, but before he could say anything Nikki had gone.

  ‘Such a lovely girl,’ Melissa commented as the door closed behind her. ‘She’s going places, that’s for sure.’

  ‘Just as long as she’s not in too m
uch of a hurry,’ Charlie responded, pouring two generous shots of vodka into the glasses.

  Melissa sauntered over to take the drink, then leaning against the bar she raised her glass to salute him. ‘So, a good day in the studio,’ she said, letting her eyes run over his face. ‘You handled the lost link to Afghanistan with your usual cool.’

  ‘It was just lucky we had the American ambassador sitting right there, already miked up,’ he replied. ‘It was the obvious place to go.’

  She chuckled. ‘I don’t think he was quite prepared to be hauled over the coals about their . . . disastrous occupation – is that what you called it?’

  His eyebrows arched. ‘Actually I was quoting Yuri Romanov from The New York Times.’

  ‘Well, it certainly rattled him, and it was a great off-the-cuff interview as it turned out, particularly as he’d come in to talk about US handling of racial tensions. It was a pity you let your irritation show when he kept trying to change the subject. Not like you, Charlie.’

  A dark colour began spreading over his neck. ‘I apologise. It won’t happen again.’

  ‘But it’s not the first time lately . . .’

  ‘I’m not a schoolboy,’ he cut in angrily.

  ‘And I’m not reprimanding. I’m just pointing out that you’re still under a great deal of strain, personally, so if you need to take more time off . . . Of course, it’ll give us a bit of a problem with summer holidays coming up . . .’

  ‘The last thing I need is time off,’ he said sharply. Then added more gently, ‘But thanks for the offer.’

  ‘You’re welcome.’

  Looking down at his own drink, he gave himself a moment to pull back from his anger. After a generous sip, he said, ‘I take it you’ve spoken to Jessica.’

  ‘She didn’t tell you?’

  ‘Not yet. So how did it go?’

  ‘Very well. She accepted my decision extremely gracefully – as one would expect from her. As a point of interest though, what would you have done if she’d decided to take an on-screen position?’

  ‘I knew she wouldn’t.’

  Her chin came up, but she didn’t pursue it. Instead she said, ‘So, now I’ve done as you asked, perhaps we can discuss your real reason for not wanting her here.’

  His eyes shot to hers as he frowned. ‘I’ve already told you . . .’

  ‘I know what you said on the phone, but I don’t think you’re being strictly honest with me, Charlie.’

  Though his expression remained harsh as he stared back at her, inside he was feeling the heat of discomfort as he realised where this could be going.

  ‘Would your reason for not wanting her here be in any way connected to what you were doing in Paris three months ago?’ she asked mildly.

  At that his eyes widened in amazement. ‘What the hell’s that supposed to mean?’ he demanded. ‘You know exactly what I was doing.’

  ‘Do I? I know you say you were interviewing the leader of the Syrian Opposition, but I’ve never seen it.’

  ‘Because it’s part of a series of interviews that isn’t complete yet,’ he informed her. ‘What are you driving at? Exactly what are you trying to say?’

  She smiled and shrugged. ‘I take it you are intending to offer this series to me?’ she said, avoiding the question.

  ‘Of course. Who else?’

  ‘I merely wondered, as I haven’t seen anything yet.’

  His hostility was growing as he looked back at her, while inside he felt sick to his very soul, not because he was lying, but because for some reason she seemed to think he was.

  She took a sip of her drink, then smiling again, she said, ‘I apologise if I’ve misunderstood, it’s just that I’m getting this feeling you’re not giving me the full picture, and I can’t imagine your reason for wanting to keep Jessica away from here is because you’re afraid she’ll find out about our little fling . . .’

  His face immediately tightened. ‘That was over six years ago . . .’

  ‘Precisely. However, people still talk.’ Her eyes were narrowing suspiciously, and as her head tilted to one side he glanced away. ‘You know, I rather think I could be on the right track now,’ she said, watching him closely. ‘But it’s not the past you’re afraid of, is it . . .’ Her eyebrows rose as enlightenment dawned. ‘Would you like to sleep with me again, Charlie?’ she asked. ‘Is that what this is really about?’

  ‘For Christ’s sake, Melissa!’

  Smiling, she put a finger to his lips. ‘It’s OK,’ she told him. ‘I understand perfectly. You’ve been under a great deal of pressure lately, so if things aren’t going too well for you and Jessica on that front . . .’

  ‘Melissa, I’m not going to tolerate this. My private life with Jessica . . .’

  ‘Is your business, of course it is, and I wouldn’t dream of asking you to discuss it, but I can quite see now why having Jessica around would complicate matters if I were to . . . How shall we put it? Agree to help you take your mind off things once in a while?’

  He took a step back from her, as though repulsed. ‘Are you at all in touch with what you’re saying?’ he cried angrily. ‘After what we’ve just been through, you can’t seriously think I’d cheat on her now.’

  ‘Maybe you wouldn’t, but it doesn’t mean you don’t want to.’

  ‘I think we should end this conversation now,’ he said abruptly.

  ‘OK, have it your way. But for the record, if you do want to . . .’

  ‘For Christ’s sake! How clear do you want me to make this?’ he snapped, suddenly exploding. ‘I don’t want an affair. I’m happy with Jessica, I’d rather die than do anything to hurt her . . .’

  ‘Believe me, it’s not my intention either, so maybe we should change the subject. We need to discuss coverage for the upcoming conference on climate change. I issued a preliminary schedule three days ago, so have you had a chance to read it yet?’

  ‘Of course, and I’ve drafted an email with my suggestions, but we can always discuss it now, if you prefer. I just don’t have much time . . .’

  ‘Send me the email, and we’ll schedule a meeting,’ she said. Then, glancing at his mobile as it started to ring, ‘I’ll leave you to take that, and I apologise if I’ve caused any offence. Just bear in mind that I’m your friend, Charlie, not your enemy.’

  He watched her walk to the door, open it, then close it behind her, but left alone in the room he still didn’t reach for the phone, even though he felt sure it was Jessica. He needed a few moments to get himself together before he spoke to her, to remind himself nothing had actually happened with Melissa. Nor would it. Not now, not ever.

  Finally, as the call went through to messages, he picked up the phone and speed-dialled home.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said when she answered, ‘I was in the shower. Everything OK?’

  ‘I think so,’ she replied. ‘Have you spoken to Nikki since coming off air?’

  He smiled. ‘Seems like she’s up for a hot date tonight. Did you know Freddy’s Melissa’s godson, by the way?’

  ‘No. Really? I’m not sure how I feel about that. It sort of makes her family, but not.’

  He laughed. ‘They haven’t even been on their first date yet,’ he reminded her.

  She laughed too.

  ‘Tell me, were you that nervous the first time we went out?’ he asked.

  She took a moment to remember. ‘I know I kept going to the loo a lot,’ she confessed. ‘What about you?’

  ‘Actually, I think I was drunk. Jeremy Rockwell was pouring Scotch down me to keep me calm, and then I threw up. So I was either hung-over, or loaded.’

  ‘It didn’t show. You must be a better actor than I took you for. Anyway, I was ringing to find out if you’re coming home for dinner. Harry’s gone off to guitar class with the Fenton twins and won’t be back till nine, so it’s just us, unless you’re not able to make it.’

  Before he could answer there was a knock on the door and his assistant put her head round. ‘Next week’s sche
dule,’ she told him, leaving a copy on the arm of a sofa, then with a wave she went out again. ‘Sorry,’ he said to Jessica, ‘that was Maggie. So where were we? Yes, dinner. How about coming into town?’

  ‘I’d rather not,’ she replied.

  Unable to stop the dismay he said, ‘Won’t you at least think about it?’

  ‘I don’t need to. We’ll only be stared at, or sympathised with, or asked for autographs . . .’

  He took a breath to push down his frustration, but it was no use, he was annoyed. ‘Jessica, we can’t go on like this,’ he protested. ‘It’s crazy, the way you’re hiding yourself away . . .’

  ‘I’m trying, OK? I just don’t find it easy.’

  ‘I know, darling, but life has to go on, whether we like it or not.’

  ‘I tried to get a job . . .’

  ‘Hiding behind the scenes, instead of going on camera where you belong.’

  ‘No, Charlie, where you belong. I’m over it. I don’t want it any more, but please don’t let’s argue. Just tell me if you’re coming home for dinner.’

  ‘Are you going to be mad with me if I say no?’

  ‘Not mad, just disappointed. You’ve got this LSE thing tonight, haven’t you? So what time will you be in?’

  ‘Around midnight. I’ll try not to wake you.’

  After ringing off he tossed the phone onto a sofa, poured himself another vodka and downed it in one. He wondered how much longer they could go on like this, pretending they weren’t drifting apart when they both knew they were. It was his fault, and he knew it, but he didn’t know what the hell to do to stop it. He found it so hard to be with her, to see her pain and feel his failure so intensely that he was barely able to function any more. He was letting her down on every front, but worst of all was how he’d been unable to keep their daughter alive. Though he knew in his rational mind that there was nothing he could have done to save Natalie, it didn’t change the fact that he’d failed as a father, as surely as he was failing now as a man.